i'll never

i'll never make the mistake of posting something like that again.

picture posting

Ok, so I'm going to try something new. I'm going to post pictures on my blog and see how they turn out.

These are some of my favorite pictures. I didn't take them all--probably most of them are not mine. But I love them anyway.

Well, as I was testing it out, the first picture is of my brother at school at UNCG.

Hmm, that's interesting...it posted the second one down here. The picture on the right is of Chrissy Brown, drinking a tasty beverage somewhere in Colorado.

This picture here is one I actually took myself. The girl on the left is Lauren Stafford and the girl on the right is Kate Shugart. We were at Dandelion Café in Orlando, and they probably thought I was really weird for taking all these photos, but this is probably the best shot I've ever taken. There's a lot of love shown here.

This is a picture of me and my friend Ana at Chapter Camp. I just really like it because it really captures the joy in the moment and shows how much we love to dance!










This isn't the greatest quality picture, but it sure captures the essence of Fallon and Karissa. InterVarsity is the greatest, just so you know...I love it because everyone is a comedian!


This is a new friend of mine, Dana De Greff. She has her own style, and it makes her super cool. The person taking this picture called it "funky fresh". Good choice of description. This is at a Spoon concert we were at, and we danced like maniacs. Lauren and Lindsey were there, and we had the greatest time.


This one to the right here is of Debbie (back) and Amanda. These are two friends who I met my freshman year--Amanda in Marching Chiefs, and Deborah was her roommate. Our friend Mary took this. This picture really captures Debbie well, because she is always being teasingly provocative, and I love the way that the camera caught the double-take look that Amanda did. It shows a perfect profile of her face, which is neat.

Ok, so I didn't take this picture either (this is actually before I met her), but this is my friend Lois. I met her through Kate (who's actually in the background of this photo). She is such a great girl, very wise and caring. This captures well the happiness and joy that she gets out of life because she is a pretty cool gal.

This is the last picture I'll post for now. These are Jason and Morgan, two other people I met through Kate. This is a great shot because I like that they are a little bit out of focus. And this is the best setting for a picture for them, because they are all about nature and enjoying the outdoors.

broken

So it's amazing how different things can be after a few months. The Christian friends I was talking about at the beginning of this blog are still my friends, but not all of them. I mean, I still consider the one I'm having issues with my friend, but I'm not sure what she thinks. I basically screwed things up by getting too needy, too attached. And now she doesn't want to be around me. I am totally heartbroken.

I feel like I can change. I thought momentarily that things had gotten better. But I don't think my heart has changed yet, and she is right. I wish she weren't right. I wish that I had changed, that God is the center of my life and whether or not this relationship was working wouldn't matter. But I have a really difficult time thinking like that. I don't know if I can think outside of wanting this relationship to work! I want to not "care", just so I don't have to feel this way anymore. But it's like the total opposite pole of my identity--I care way too much and so not caring is something that does not come easily to me.

But I keep reminding myself of something that our mutual friend Lois said. She asked, "Are you willing to sacrifice this one relationship in order to glorify God to have healthy relationships?" And I thought about it momentarily, and said, "Yes." But am I really? I think I am. Not that it will be easy, but I do want to glorify God, and if I keep relating to her in this way I am not glorifying God. I want to think like God thinks, love like God loves. Lord, save me from my twisted self!