Gosh, I'm not very good with this blog thing. Well, I never really got to finish my last post, so I think I'll try to do that. I think I'll also elaborate on some of the parts of the last post, as things have changed a tiny bit.
4. Heart. I'm not sure if my heart has changed all that much in regards to the Lord and how I am letting Him work in my life. But I definitely feel that I have a more clear understanding of how I wronged my friend and that I am totally unworthy of whatever friendship I hoped to have with her. I talked to people about the situation more than I should have, and, even though it wasn't out of spite (because I didn't go into details with everyone, and also I explained to people that she was justified in her actions), but rather out of trying to process things, I suppose part of it was done in a manner of attention-getting, which is immature. I definitely appreciate how people helped me process the wrongs I committed against her, but I understand that discussing it put her in a position of being embarrassed. Lord God, please forgive me for how I wronged her. I guess I feel like there were ways in which she could have handled the situation more maturely, but I see that I myself didn't handle everything in a mature manner. I was just hoping we could be cool, ya know? I just want everything to be cool...that we could all just be civil. I wanna talk more on this later, but for now, I'll focus on other matters of the heart. One thing that I have learned by being Dana's friend is that I shouldn't care so much what people think of me. And if people don't like me, that's their loss and they're not worth my time. I feel a lot more at peace...although still easily concerned with pleasing people, I think that when they're dissatisfied, I care less now than I would have before. Maybe I haven't changed all that much, but a tiny step in the right direction is still important for growth. I pray, though, that I can move toward learning about God and His Will...what that is supposed to look like in my life. I have a feeling that I am quite selfish in how I use my time, and that is something that He is probably going to have to show me how to change.
Notes on Civility: I just wanted to say that it really broad-sided me when my friend that I hurt, before she left for a mission trip, came and said hello to me at the Coffee Pub. I was sitting there talking to Katherine Hobby, outside at one of those tables. I knew she was inside, but when I went to get my coffee, I just didn't even acknowledge her. She was with a lady from church and the lady's recently newborn baby. I got my coffee and decided that sitting outside may be best for this sort of situation. I was having a lovely time with Kobby, and I figured that the friend would probably just walk through the building to the parking lot in the back. But she didn't. She came by our table, and as kind of a last-second decision, I gave a little wave goodbye when she noticed me. I almost immediately regretted the decision because I felt really awkward about it, but she came over and spoke. I was kind of amused because the first words out of her mouth were: "Hey. I haven't seen you in a while..." Um, yeah. Probably because we've been mutually avoiding one another, I thought. I replied something like, "Well, ya know, I've just been...runnin' around I guess." I had missed going to their spring break mission talk, even though I kinda wanted to go to support another friend who went on the trip...but I figured it may be too painful for me to sit in on that kind of thing, so I didn't go. We talked about that for a moment, and she said I should get together with the other girl for coffee or something. I agreed. She said, "Ya know I'm going on my mission trip in 12 days..." I said, "Yeah, that's right..." and we may have said something else. Basically, I ended saying, "Well, I definitely pray for you while you're down there." I don't remember if she thanked me or not, and she may have even said something like, "Good to see you," or something like that. I was so blind-sided that I said something to Kobby about it when she was gone. And Kobby said, "Anna, you're worthy." I'm almost positive that's what she said...I was hoping I'd never forget that. I did pray for her, with my whole heart. I hope it went well for her and that she made wonderful headway for God's Kingdom.
I think I'll need to make a new post to talk more about this summer and how I want to elaborate on #3: Friends.
