wow. God is faithful.
so, as it turns out, not only was God working on bitterness in my heart, but He was doing the same for my friend. for a while now, she has been coming to the cell group that i had been a part of for the last year or so. at first, it gave me a bit of anxiety, because i thought that she more or less despised me (perhaps with good reason). she showed up at the group, and i thought she wouldn't return (because as it turned out, it was a miscommunication on our leaders' part, inviting her and forgetting that i would be there, and that we had issues with each other). i was unsure what to feel in my own heart, and i wavered back-and-forth between wanting her to be there and also not wanting her there because of the distractedness, pain, and anxiety her presence caused. the next tuesday, she didn't return--and i'll admit i was a bit relieved. the tuesday after that she returned again, and i determined in my heart that i was not going to keep her from coming (because the leader said i had been coming first, so he would ask her to not come if i was uncomfortable). for a couple weeks, the comfort level started to rise between us, although i still knew (and know) that a safe distance was needed. a few tuesdays ago, we finally apologized to one another, with her initiating. it was a wonderful thing, to get to say the things i was sorry for that i didn't get to before, and hearing the words from her lips that i'd never thought i'd hear. one thing that had been hurting my heart was that we needed to be united in the Body of Christ; that we are indeed sisters in the Body of Christ. we totally agreed on that point, that even if we can't be friends, we can at least be united to do something good for God's kingdom. perhaps i am still undeserving of her apology, of this grace i've received from her. for that i am grateful, and this grace could have only been bestowed on me through her by God. i need to be careful about my actions and desires. Lord, please guide me and help me produce trustworthy fruit. don't let me get distracted by her presence at cell group. help us to build one another up to Your glory, Lord Jesus. Amen.
