my yesterdays are washed away

i haven't really been sure about the status of my faith, whether or not I've been following better, or if i'm just fooling myself. i feel like sometimes my heart and thought patterns are going back right to where they were before.

i've just had to pray a lot lately. i don't think there's anything wrong with that. i just wish that it wouldn't go back to how it was before, that i could get over everything and not think or act that way anymore. but i know that the Holy Spirit is working in me, but i just have to keep handing it over to Him.

the Comforter comforted me last night while i was walking and praying. i was just reminded that if i follow Him, i have nothing to worry about. i was self-pitying again, and despairing that i wouldn't have the entire trust of someone again. but this person has extended so much grace to me. why do insist on having more? so i'm just going to have to hand it over, and continue to learn that my life was fine without them before...why is it different now? instead, i should focus on trusting God and seeing where He is going to take me and how He will use me. He has His own story for me, and i'm sure it is a beautiful story if i will just let him tell it. i think i am always worried about other people's stories and not my own. Lord God, i pray for you to show me my story and read it to me so that i know where my life is going.

kate showed me this Christian singer-songwriter, Anna Vandas, who's very good. in some ways she sounds like most Christian songwriters, but i love her sound. it's folksy and sometimes poppy or jazzy. the words are often very poignant. "what is" is a great song, along with "lay down the load" and "a calm". i might even swing for it and buy it at the store...we'll see. i think it came out in 2005...where was i?? ha. well, here's a site that you can put songs in a player, otherwise you have to listen to the tracks one-by-one on her site.

http://www.reverbnation.com/annavandas

but, yeah, she just talks about laying down the loads of selfishness, self-pity and pride. and i love "what is" because it's kinda talking about injustice in the world, and we oftentimes just feel guilty or helpless to do anything. she doesn't really come up with a solution, except to think about whatever is pure and right, and to be holy in His sight...but maybe that IS what we're supposed to do, huh? strive for righteousness, and have a true relationship with God the Almighty who has sovereignty over these situations. HE is the only one who can help you make a difference and bring His Gospel and His Joy to the people who are suffering. God, i think You're teaching me more about Your heart. i'm listening.

around the well

I feel sad for not having discovered this amazing Iron & Wine song earlier. I don't know how my friends knew about it, except that maybe they had heard one of their concerts before or had found b-sides of this track before. It's definitely a b-side, and now it's part of a B-Sides and Rarities collection called "Around the Well" that came out this month. It's fantastic. I'll bet the rest of the 2-disc collection is a gem as well. The track is called "The Trapeze Swinger". Enjoy.

holy crap this is cute!

amigurumi patterns, "Knitted stuffed toys" in Japanese. This is for crocheting. Yay for crocheted forest animals!

http://www.sarahanns.com/crochetworks/animals.html

Music--Beirut

This is a song that is actually from a various artists disc compilation called Dark Was the Night and it was created to raise money and to create awareness for HIV/AIDS. I also really like Beirut's latest album, which is actually a 2-disc set (March of the Zapotec/Holland) with Zach Condon's 2 different music projects, Beirut and Realpeople. I think I prefer the Realpeople side, but I think I need to give the Beirut side more of a shot. The album was recorded in Oaxaca, Mexico with a mariachi band in tow. I'm not sure if this track was laid down at the same time as the other March of the Zapotec tracks, but this track definitely fits in more with the Beirut side. It starts with xylophone and accordion, and ends with a fantastic horn arrangement. It's called "Mimizan".

hand-mouth coordination, and word-heart coordination

i was just reading Joshua Hughes' blog. i have been thinking a lot today about my failures. and this blog kinda encouraged me. i have been feeling like my faith isn't where it should be, but i have been making some small changes, and hopefully it will start to soak into my heart and start changing me from the inside out. let me share his blog post with you:

Spiritual Disciplines and Gerber Puffs

Reagan, our eight month old, just started on solid foods recently. Her favorite things are Gerber puffs. If you are unfamiliar with these little wonders, they are like tiny cereal bites that dissolve quickly in baby mouths. They are small enough for her little uncoordinated fingers to pick up and eat.

She hasn’t quite gotten it down yet.

Last night I watched with rapt attention as time after time she took the puffs in her hand only to lose them between the high chair tray and her little mouth. Our dog enjoys this very much as she is the benefactor of Reagan’s many failed attempts.

In Luke 4 when Jesus is tempted by Satan after 40 days of fasting to turn stones into bread, he famously quotes Deuteronomy 8:3 “man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” The word as food is a powerful illustration for obvious reasons. As the human body cannot be sustained without food, so the Christian soul cannot be sustained without God’s word.

The Bible is to be treasured, consumed and sought after like the very food that keeps us alive. But sometimes it’s just not so simple. Certainly, there are seasons when I do take in the word as easily and consistently as I do my daily bread. But sometimes, I am like my sweet little Reagan, struggling to put hand to mouth, battling my inability to achieve what I desire, laboring to obtain my reward.

In those times when it’s difficult, I want to be encouraged by my daughters example. Reagan is not deterred by her failures; she keeps at it until the tray is empty and every puff is either in her mouth or on the floor. And every time she does it, there are a few less puffs on the carpet (much to the dog’s chagrin). She is getting better. Eating solids is becoming more of a lifestyle for her. And so it is for us as God’s children; the more we discipline ourselves to fight through the discouragement, to talk to ourselves more than we listen to ourselves, the more Scripture comes alive to us as fewer and fewer of God’s words end up on the carpet next to us, but rather find their way into our souls…

...Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O Lord, God of hosts.
Jeremiah 15:16

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i think my favorite part is when he is talking about God's word and how after we keep trying and trying again, it will stop falling by the wayside and start making it's way into our hearts. praise be to God for that! i'm so thankful for how He's given me a heart that is seeking His word more and more. Lord, let me not be satisfied with mediocrity, but let me move toward You, so that You might move the veil and reveal more of Yourself to me.