Book List, 2010

Books about God
Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster
See Yourself as God Sees You, Josh McDowell
The Cost of Discipleship, Dietrich Bonheoffer
Girl Meets God, Lauren Winner
The Reason for God, Tim Keller
Orthodoxy, G.K. Chesterton
With Christ in the School of Prayer, Andrew Murray
Searching for God Knows What, Donald Miller
Traveling Mercies, Anne Lamott

Popular Culture
The Narcissism Epidemic, Jean Twenge & Keith Campbell
Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, Barbara Kingsolver
Fast Food Nation, Eric Schlosser
Hope's Edge, Francis Moore Lappé
This Revolution Will Not Be Microwaved, Sandor Katz
In Praise of Slowness, Carl Honore
Guyland, Michael Kimmel
Disposable People, Kevin Bales

History/Culture
We Wish to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed with Our Families, Philip Gourevich
India After Gandhi, Ramachandra Guha
A People's History of the United States, Howard Zinn

Biography/Memoir
Dry, Augusten Burroughs
Things I've Been Silent About, Azar Nafisi
My Life in France, Julia Child

Travel Writing
I'm a Stranger Here Myself, Bill Bryson

Essay
A Room of One's Own, Virginia Woolf
Armageddon in Retrospect, Kurt Vonnegut

Poetry
Babel, Barbara Hamby
Lira Mistica, Santa Teresa y San Juan de la Cruz

Literature
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, J.K. Rowling
Their Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neale Hurston
Everything is Illuminated, Jonathan Safran Foer
The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, Junot Díaz
Unaccustomed Earth, Jhumpa Lahiri
Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte
The Autograph Man, Zadie Smith
The Innocent, Ian McEwan
Redeeming Love, Francine Rivers
The Mysteries of Pittsburgh, Michael Chabon
Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, John Berendt
The Handmaid's Tale, Margaret Atwood
Everything That Rises Must Converge, Flannery O'Connor
Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Dave Eggers
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, Michael Chabon

Books Read, 2009

Reading Lolita in Tehran, Azar Nafisi
Invitation to a Beheading, Vladimir Nabokov
The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
Grace (Eventually), Anne Lamott
Just Courage, Gary Haugen
Velvet Elvis, Rob Bell
Amsterdam, Ian McEwan
Daisy Miller, Henry James
White Teeth, Zadie Smith
Mansfield Park, Jane Austin
A Plea for the Poor, John Woolman
Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie
Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert
Sailing Alone Around the Room, Billy Collins
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
When Engulfed in Flames, David Sedaris
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, J.K. Rowling
The Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolkein
Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress, Dai Sijie
Affluenza, John De Graaf
A Long Way Gone, Ismael Baeh
Watership Down, Richard Adams
Financial Peace, Dave Ramsey
In Defense of Food, Michael Pollan
How to Succeed at Being Yourself, Joyce Meyer
Good News About Injustice, Gary Haugen
Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte

hilarity in NZ

so my friend Lauren and her friend Camden are in New Zealand to work on an organic farm. i received an email from Lauren detailing some of the adventures they've had so far. i am including two of them here:

Day 2 of Journey, By Camden

Able Tasmen Hike--full of danger, back pain, flushing toilets and baby seals. Some call it the hike of pain. Only manly amounts of endorphines or chocolate will save the wayward hiker. It is here that men become Mormon and woman become Quakers. Here we find The Lauren and A Camden, wandering, in a manner similar to Gollum or well worn pack mules, through the nature infested wilderness. They came and they got conquered. Beaten by Poseidon's tide and balls (in the form of shells); ignoring all warnings and advise from the local New Zealand sages--the Americans knew better. They crossed the low tide route during high tide. First the water was at their ankles, so they took off their shoes. Then it was at their knees so they rolled up their knickers. Then up to the waist....and they gave up. Their future children got cold at that crossing. With puddles in their panties the survivors continued on. Wet clothes and a ruined camera.

The Panties Boy, By Lauren Stafford

I was awake at the arrival of knife girl, but unaware of her dangerous gang weapons in the room. I thought Camden got out of her bed and sat so gingerly on my bed. But in fact it was not a Camden but a German boy who was in his panties. He tried to get under the covers (as most boys do) of the Lauren's bed. That's when I spoke with all my early morning vigor and authority, "I think your bed is over there." He complained about my words in his mother tongue & decided to put on more clothes in the closet door. Then I heard water sounds abounding from the closet--it reminded me of my time in Asia spent in peaceful Buddhist temples with spotted fish and gongs. After the zen-like stream ended, there were sounds of struggle and strife with the sliding closest door. But after the epic (almost lost) battle to such man-made hindrances, the drunk German found the bed he had been assigned.

identity check

so i was walking and thinking at lunch today about identity because of a conversation i had with my friend yesterday. he was talking about how he is looking to date a Christian "woman", not a Christian "girl". just to clarify, we weren't having the conversation about our relationship--we're just friends. anyway, i wasn't offended, 1) because he wasn't talking about me, and 2) because I can see exactly what he means by the difference between a Christian woman and a Christian girl. i think there are ways in which i am a Christian woman, but in most ways i am still a Christian girl, and that disappoints me. there are a few things that i think shows a female Christian has moved from girl to woman, so lemme see if i can get a list going and put my thoughts in order.

what do i think a "woman of God" looks like?

1) identity in Christ
dude, i admit that i am soooo not there yet. first of all, i wanted to ask myself what exactly it means to have your identity in Christ. what comes to mind is having all of your life oriented toward Him. no matter what, you know where you can put your trust. if you're feeling upset about your shortcomings, you look to Christ and you see that He has overcome them. every time you have a decision to make, you bring it to Him. you have confidence in who you are because you are a child of God, and through Christ He has given you the Holy Spirit.

2) own Identity
i'm not sure if this is truly a trait that describes a Christian woman, but it seems to me that a reason that i'm not quite a Christian woman is the fact that i often put my identity in others. wow, that's really hard to put that out there. i so much want to love those that are in my life, and they influence what i do and how i am because i highly respect them. i think that they can have their identity in Christ and still have their own way of expressing themselves, and so that's how they have their own identity too. i know i will have great difficulty extricating myself from the people that influence me. i pray that you would help me grow, Lord Jesus, so that i can know what things i want to do because i want to do them and because you have called me to do them.

3) saturated in God's Word
i'm pretty far behind in this area, but the Lord is giving me a heart for His Word, and that is exciting.

4) constantly seeking the Lord in prayer
God, thank you for giving me more of a desire to pray. i feel especially encouraged by the missionaries that i receive updates from, because their prayer requests remind me to be in constant prayer, especially for those that don't know You. Lord, may it be that i'm reminded to pray without ceasing during the day about everything that i encounter.

5) Seeking accountability in discipleship
this is something i need to pray more about. i discussed it with cassidy, and am hoping to have someone from my fellowship group to be my mentor.

6) worshipful and pure heart
Lord Jesus, it is only through you that i can have righteousness and purity. thank you for the work that was done on the cross to make me pure before the Father. i need to live like you have purified my heart, because i still live with blackness in it. may your Spirit move me to repentance, that my heart may be regenerated and pure.

7) good work ethic
just going by what proverbs 31 is saying. there's a lot there with working with her hands. i think i need to make sure that i'm working my hardest and not "eat[ing] the bread of idleness".

8) opens arms to the poor
this is another area where i am so selfish and constantly worried about my own issues that i never put time and effort into helping the poor. Lord, change me! set my heart right! forgive my selfish tendencies and show me how to use my time for others, and i will do my best to do good for them (without grumbling, God-willing!).

my yesterdays are washed away

i haven't really been sure about the status of my faith, whether or not I've been following better, or if i'm just fooling myself. i feel like sometimes my heart and thought patterns are going back right to where they were before.

i've just had to pray a lot lately. i don't think there's anything wrong with that. i just wish that it wouldn't go back to how it was before, that i could get over everything and not think or act that way anymore. but i know that the Holy Spirit is working in me, but i just have to keep handing it over to Him.

the Comforter comforted me last night while i was walking and praying. i was just reminded that if i follow Him, i have nothing to worry about. i was self-pitying again, and despairing that i wouldn't have the entire trust of someone again. but this person has extended so much grace to me. why do insist on having more? so i'm just going to have to hand it over, and continue to learn that my life was fine without them before...why is it different now? instead, i should focus on trusting God and seeing where He is going to take me and how He will use me. He has His own story for me, and i'm sure it is a beautiful story if i will just let him tell it. i think i am always worried about other people's stories and not my own. Lord God, i pray for you to show me my story and read it to me so that i know where my life is going.

kate showed me this Christian singer-songwriter, Anna Vandas, who's very good. in some ways she sounds like most Christian songwriters, but i love her sound. it's folksy and sometimes poppy or jazzy. the words are often very poignant. "what is" is a great song, along with "lay down the load" and "a calm". i might even swing for it and buy it at the store...we'll see. i think it came out in 2005...where was i?? ha. well, here's a site that you can put songs in a player, otherwise you have to listen to the tracks one-by-one on her site.

http://www.reverbnation.com/annavandas

but, yeah, she just talks about laying down the loads of selfishness, self-pity and pride. and i love "what is" because it's kinda talking about injustice in the world, and we oftentimes just feel guilty or helpless to do anything. she doesn't really come up with a solution, except to think about whatever is pure and right, and to be holy in His sight...but maybe that IS what we're supposed to do, huh? strive for righteousness, and have a true relationship with God the Almighty who has sovereignty over these situations. HE is the only one who can help you make a difference and bring His Gospel and His Joy to the people who are suffering. God, i think You're teaching me more about Your heart. i'm listening.

around the well

I feel sad for not having discovered this amazing Iron & Wine song earlier. I don't know how my friends knew about it, except that maybe they had heard one of their concerts before or had found b-sides of this track before. It's definitely a b-side, and now it's part of a B-Sides and Rarities collection called "Around the Well" that came out this month. It's fantastic. I'll bet the rest of the 2-disc collection is a gem as well. The track is called "The Trapeze Swinger". Enjoy.

holy crap this is cute!

amigurumi patterns, "Knitted stuffed toys" in Japanese. This is for crocheting. Yay for crocheted forest animals!

http://www.sarahanns.com/crochetworks/animals.html

Music--Beirut

This is a song that is actually from a various artists disc compilation called Dark Was the Night and it was created to raise money and to create awareness for HIV/AIDS. I also really like Beirut's latest album, which is actually a 2-disc set (March of the Zapotec/Holland) with Zach Condon's 2 different music projects, Beirut and Realpeople. I think I prefer the Realpeople side, but I think I need to give the Beirut side more of a shot. The album was recorded in Oaxaca, Mexico with a mariachi band in tow. I'm not sure if this track was laid down at the same time as the other March of the Zapotec tracks, but this track definitely fits in more with the Beirut side. It starts with xylophone and accordion, and ends with a fantastic horn arrangement. It's called "Mimizan".

hand-mouth coordination, and word-heart coordination

i was just reading Joshua Hughes' blog. i have been thinking a lot today about my failures. and this blog kinda encouraged me. i have been feeling like my faith isn't where it should be, but i have been making some small changes, and hopefully it will start to soak into my heart and start changing me from the inside out. let me share his blog post with you:

Spiritual Disciplines and Gerber Puffs

Reagan, our eight month old, just started on solid foods recently. Her favorite things are Gerber puffs. If you are unfamiliar with these little wonders, they are like tiny cereal bites that dissolve quickly in baby mouths. They are small enough for her little uncoordinated fingers to pick up and eat.

She hasn’t quite gotten it down yet.

Last night I watched with rapt attention as time after time she took the puffs in her hand only to lose them between the high chair tray and her little mouth. Our dog enjoys this very much as she is the benefactor of Reagan’s many failed attempts.

In Luke 4 when Jesus is tempted by Satan after 40 days of fasting to turn stones into bread, he famously quotes Deuteronomy 8:3 “man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” The word as food is a powerful illustration for obvious reasons. As the human body cannot be sustained without food, so the Christian soul cannot be sustained without God’s word.

The Bible is to be treasured, consumed and sought after like the very food that keeps us alive. But sometimes it’s just not so simple. Certainly, there are seasons when I do take in the word as easily and consistently as I do my daily bread. But sometimes, I am like my sweet little Reagan, struggling to put hand to mouth, battling my inability to achieve what I desire, laboring to obtain my reward.

In those times when it’s difficult, I want to be encouraged by my daughters example. Reagan is not deterred by her failures; she keeps at it until the tray is empty and every puff is either in her mouth or on the floor. And every time she does it, there are a few less puffs on the carpet (much to the dog’s chagrin). She is getting better. Eating solids is becoming more of a lifestyle for her. And so it is for us as God’s children; the more we discipline ourselves to fight through the discouragement, to talk to ourselves more than we listen to ourselves, the more Scripture comes alive to us as fewer and fewer of God’s words end up on the carpet next to us, but rather find their way into our souls…

...Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O Lord, God of hosts.
Jeremiah 15:16

-----------------------

i think my favorite part is when he is talking about God's word and how after we keep trying and trying again, it will stop falling by the wayside and start making it's way into our hearts. praise be to God for that! i'm so thankful for how He's given me a heart that is seeking His word more and more. Lord, let me not be satisfied with mediocrity, but let me move toward You, so that You might move the veil and reveal more of Yourself to me.

Shannon Leaves this Friday, After His Paycheck Clears

This is a poem that my friend Meredith wrote. She sent me an email with 4 poems, and this was my favorite.

Shannon Leaves this Friday, After His Paycheck Clears

Vinegar washes pretty much everything out of everything
blood and sweat —all such acids made base
It takes the black out of black
and the yellow out of white
leaving the laundry soft, clean and gray
Some men are sweaty black jack jockeys
who insist on the low ceiling, the twilight dark
on the rooms filled with saucy old women smoking
and taking the hit over and over
winning and losing
both so hard and so good
Tupperware is pretty much proof of chaos
all these containers of petty, rotting things
Saved for hope of saving time, or keeping
Things which can’t be kept
refusing to be stacked or have their corners cleaned
Some men enjoy women like new boxes of crayons,
so pretty in their profusion and all their fresh tips
They are spilling all the time
hair out of clasps, breasts out of dresses, gasps out of lungs
their wrappers unraveling
then one is naked, finally
her tips blunting
Eggs are meant to cook lickety-split
The clear the white and the yellow
Fluffing on impact
To the butter and intense heat
Sometimes the steam smells like the coup
Shit, loam, wet feathers
That farm smell that gets stuck in the grooves of your boots
Some men wake up in empty beds
worrying that they are waking her, as they toss
her hair is on the pillow, brown with fading highlights
and remains still when he turns the alarm off, over and over
except she isn’t there

thoughts on grace

i've realized a couple of my pet peeves this weekend, but i think what is funny (but not really funny) is that the very things that i hate others to do, i do myself.

some pet peeves:
1) being made to feel stupid<--this i don't know if i actually do to others, but i will definitely keep my eyes peeled for those instances, b/c this is definitely at the top for pet peeves
2) not being listened to, or even deliberately ignored
3) being spoken to in a mean tone, even if what was said was not unkind.
4) finding out about an event and not being invited, esp if there are a lot of your friends there

i think that i was kind of annoyed this weekend bc of #2 this weekend, but there was a deeper thing going on that wasn't really those people's faults. i think i was jealous of the way these two girls connected and neither one cares for me that much...but actually if i think about it, i don't know if i really want to hang out with them anyway. i was also upset because of a lack of communication about where a party was, but what made it worse was not getting a direct invitation from either one of the birthday folk. granted, it was kind of a situation in which a direct invitation didn't really need to be required...there were a lot of people there. but, it made me feel small and unwanted, especially when i called one of the dudes i know was part of the coordination and he said "oh, so-and-so changed the location...i just figured she would let all the people that she wanted to be there know." i guess he was less a part of the coordination than i thought, but at the time i was really pissed that he didn't communicate with me. so i don't know if it was purposeful for me to not be invited (actually, the other two girls i was with weren't communicated to about the event either...), but it was really stupid for me to get mad at him because maybe it was supposed to be certain people, and if they wanted me there i would have gotten an invitation. but, it doesn't matter too much bc i did get an invitation to another get-together which will occur a couple weekends from now, so i'm excited about that.

Lord, i know that i do the things that i don't want to do...i even do the things that i hate when other people do! i know exactly what Paul meant when he talked about it in Romans. ugh. and i guess i might be taking things too personally about these situations. Lord, i am such a selfish, self-absorbed person sometimes. actually, it was pretty fitting this Sunday (although, not very fitting for Palm Sunday, i might add) that Pastor Scott (not sure where Erik was...) talked about loving our enemies. it was a wonderful sermon, actually. he was focusing on Luke 6:17-36 and the Sermon on the Plain. he was asking "who are are enemies, what does loving them look like, and why should we love them?" i think there may have been another question, but, whatever. it was a good point that he said that our enemies are not always the people that revile us (cuz sometimes we don't have those...but maybe we should question our Christianity if we don't), but also those who are least like us that we push away and put barriers around, therefore treating them like enemies. very insightful, i thought. Lord, this week, help me to think about the people that are least like me that i shun subconsciously or consciously, and show me how to love them!

Lord, you have been so gracious to me. i was an enemy, and yet you loved me and died for me. now i can come into the Father's presence because of what you've done. how can i not love people who may have wronged me in small small ways, when i have wronged you in so many large ways and you forgive me? there are some people that require more grace than others...but am i one of those who needs more grace than most? am i one of those people that my friends pray for patience to be around? Lord, i pray to be a person that extends grace as much as it is extended to me. amen.

Music--Neko Case

I wanted to try posting music here MYSELF (that is, without the help of last.fm, or whatever) on my blog, and you can listen to it if you want.

This time I've decided to create a link to an mp3 from Neko Case's new cd Middle Cyclone. This track is called "This Tornado Loves You," and although I haven't heard all of the cd quite yet, I think this track is my favorite. Check it out.

coffee and complicated thoughts

this morning i got to come in late to work. so i went to the Redeye to have some coffee and read the Word and work on the baby blanket i'm making for Karin.

there's so much to say. i thought about a lot of things this morning. i read Ezekiel 44, which talks about God's glory returning to the temple, and how the Levites weren't doing what they were supposed to do by ministering to the people and handling the sacrifices. So God makes them do these things, and lets only one family, the sons of Zadok, come near to Him and offer him the sacrifices and minister to Him. God was also mad b/c they let foreigners into the temple who were uncircumcised of heart and flesh. it was an interesting passage b/c it shows that God only wants those to come near to Him who had been following His will the entire time, that respect His holy place. i was thinking about how i would like to make sure that i have a circumcised heart, one that shows that I am His, and He is mine. i really liked that at the end it said "and this shall be their inheritance: I am their inheritance". :)

another thing that was on my mind, which i wish wasn't, was about the hurtful things that someone said to me in the past. i remember distinctly that she said, "i haven't said anything unkind to you." unfortunately, i can't really argue with that. however it was the way she said things, with utter disdain or contempt...i could just tell that there was something in her heart that cut me. however, i know that another friend of mine says that i'm really touchy, so i may have just been imagining things sometimes. but i think she knew how she felt against me in her heart, and it came out in the sharpness of her tongue. but, ya know, i have FORGIVEN her! why does this stuff still come back to my mind? Lord, i want to be free of these painful thoughts that remind me of the ways that we interacted in the past. she has forgiven me, and i have forgiven her--i set her free of being responsible for the things she said to me and the way she said them. i have also had angry times against a dude who knew about the situation and spoke into my life with an authority that was not responsible or called for. i understand he was being protective, but it was hurtful and accusatory somewhat. however, he did say some things that i have taken to heart, like--"you can't just do that to someone and expect not to reap what you sow." i'm not sure how fair that was, but i believe he had a real point. so i want to make sure that i sow in righteousness from now on. i set him free from the hurtful things he said to me, and i ask forgiveness for doing at least some of the things he brought out into the light.

another set of thoughts that are kinda hard for me to think about are those about dating. megan sent our cell group an article about dating that is secular in nature, but it's actually pretty good because she dates all these dudes and then learns more about herself. here's the link:

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articleoprahmatch.aspx?cp-documentid=18651861

i say it's hard for me because i am unfortunately not very self-aware. it makes me happy that Tim when i was graduating from school said some nice things about me--like i'm at least realizing where things aren't right, and then try to do something about it. so maybe i'm initially not very self-aware but i try to look at myself to re-evaluate sometimes. and i guess everyone does that. but anyway! i'm thinking that i must send off some sort of signal to guys that makes them not want to pursue me. believe it or not, i was sorta thinking that a line from that movie The Wedding Date was correct (at least to some degree): "Women have the love life that they want, whether or not they believe it." basically, that when a girl is ready, then she will make herself available to be loved. hmm. i guess i half believe that. i don't really dress to attract a man. i feel like i have a lot of things working against me. and, in addition to these physical attributes working against me, i have some baggage. one thing about the article that particularly struck me was her sense of boundary issues. that's what's hardest for me: setting boundaries. but also, i let Rocky walk all over me (although i'm sure i hurt him too) because i don't feel very worthy to be liked. so i'm not sure. a lot of times i think i leave these feelings at the door, and don't deal with them. but i need to deal with them. why don't i feel worthy? people have long told me that i am worthy, but i don't know how to believe it. i've been doing better about working out, and so i think that once i have a better body image, i can start feeling better. but maybe not--maybe i have to get with the program and start believing that i AM worthy, whatever i look like. i think men really dig confidence. am i confident? far from it. where do i work these things out? probably just by doing my best to meet with Jesus, to find out that my worthiness comes from Him. everything else is just a bonus.

ahh, ok. hopefully it won't be a whole month again before i write on here. peace~

wow it's february

actually, today is valentine's day. i'm not really too upset about it being valentine's and not having a boyfriend. it's just another day, and it's frustrating to have this society that tries to sell us all this junk that's supposed to represent love for your loved one. how is a gigantic stuffed gorilla supposed to express your love? haha

anyway, this year has been going pretty well so far. i really like the human rights literature class that i'm taking right now, although i'm not enrolled officially in the class. it's taught by ray ruggiero, and he is super cool. i might actually individually study something i'm interested in personally (although all the stuff i'm learning in class is pretty fascinating): human trafficking. the sex trafficking part of human trafficking seems to be a popular point of activism among christians right now, but i think i might focus on labor trafficking instead. i think sex trafficking is particularly horrible, but i also think that we may brush over labor trafficking more easily because we buy things from places that use sweatshop labor...and so we may be unwilling to pay the higher prices for these people to live decent lives. it almost seems hopeless, because as a christian i know that most companies aren't living under our standards, and so i guess i'm a bit cynical. i think that part of the problem is the company's desire to receive as much money as possible, so their profits are certainly not going to decrease if they decide to give fair wages to their workers. nonono...the consumer is going to pay for that. ok, yeah, so a bit of cynicism there...and maybe i'm pretty naive about how the economy and business works, but whatever. i'm probably not that far off.

probably the best thing to do is pray. Lord, i want to learn more about this, and perhaps learn how i can make a difference. again, once i know, how can i NOT change? Lord, i thank you for putting this on my heart, and i ask that you keep me from shying away from what it would mean in sacrifice. Lord, give me the desire to seek in Your word Your promises about these things, and remind myself of how much You desire justice and mercy. amen.