thoughts on grace

i've realized a couple of my pet peeves this weekend, but i think what is funny (but not really funny) is that the very things that i hate others to do, i do myself.

some pet peeves:
1) being made to feel stupid<--this i don't know if i actually do to others, but i will definitely keep my eyes peeled for those instances, b/c this is definitely at the top for pet peeves
2) not being listened to, or even deliberately ignored
3) being spoken to in a mean tone, even if what was said was not unkind.
4) finding out about an event and not being invited, esp if there are a lot of your friends there

i think that i was kind of annoyed this weekend bc of #2 this weekend, but there was a deeper thing going on that wasn't really those people's faults. i think i was jealous of the way these two girls connected and neither one cares for me that much...but actually if i think about it, i don't know if i really want to hang out with them anyway. i was also upset because of a lack of communication about where a party was, but what made it worse was not getting a direct invitation from either one of the birthday folk. granted, it was kind of a situation in which a direct invitation didn't really need to be required...there were a lot of people there. but, it made me feel small and unwanted, especially when i called one of the dudes i know was part of the coordination and he said "oh, so-and-so changed the location...i just figured she would let all the people that she wanted to be there know." i guess he was less a part of the coordination than i thought, but at the time i was really pissed that he didn't communicate with me. so i don't know if it was purposeful for me to not be invited (actually, the other two girls i was with weren't communicated to about the event either...), but it was really stupid for me to get mad at him because maybe it was supposed to be certain people, and if they wanted me there i would have gotten an invitation. but, it doesn't matter too much bc i did get an invitation to another get-together which will occur a couple weekends from now, so i'm excited about that.

Lord, i know that i do the things that i don't want to do...i even do the things that i hate when other people do! i know exactly what Paul meant when he talked about it in Romans. ugh. and i guess i might be taking things too personally about these situations. Lord, i am such a selfish, self-absorbed person sometimes. actually, it was pretty fitting this Sunday (although, not very fitting for Palm Sunday, i might add) that Pastor Scott (not sure where Erik was...) talked about loving our enemies. it was a wonderful sermon, actually. he was focusing on Luke 6:17-36 and the Sermon on the Plain. he was asking "who are are enemies, what does loving them look like, and why should we love them?" i think there may have been another question, but, whatever. it was a good point that he said that our enemies are not always the people that revile us (cuz sometimes we don't have those...but maybe we should question our Christianity if we don't), but also those who are least like us that we push away and put barriers around, therefore treating them like enemies. very insightful, i thought. Lord, this week, help me to think about the people that are least like me that i shun subconsciously or consciously, and show me how to love them!

Lord, you have been so gracious to me. i was an enemy, and yet you loved me and died for me. now i can come into the Father's presence because of what you've done. how can i not love people who may have wronged me in small small ways, when i have wronged you in so many large ways and you forgive me? there are some people that require more grace than others...but am i one of those who needs more grace than most? am i one of those people that my friends pray for patience to be around? Lord, i pray to be a person that extends grace as much as it is extended to me. amen.